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[helpdesk_hero]

This is David Alleyne, I'm not available at the moment.
Please leave your name, contact information, and what this is regarding after the beep.

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Spoofed Burner #169

[helpdesk_hero]

Already here. Was GOING to try and deal with things and of course that's when they exploded.

If he wants fully out of the system, I can see about violating some very serious rules for him. Not that he couldn't rewrite it all himself.

- P.

[mostdangerousbird]

That would’ve been Wiccan. He solo’ed a scorpion.

When you say things like that, you know it makes people want to talk. I can’t text this many questions in between vines.

[helpdesk_hero]

Of course he did. Magic, you know? But that's not quite what I meant.

You're welcome to call if you've got a headset. You know it will never distract me.

Audio

[mostdangerousbird]

[ Rook calls, because obviously he has an headset, although if David’s prying into the signal something’s more scrambled than normal. He immediately continues the conversation without preamble. ]

Magic that drops a mech that size like tactile telekinesis but requires hyper focused incantations - in English - and you think he can rewrite the rules. He was talking about interdimensional parasites. He makes an impression.

[helpdesk_hero]

[Sorry Tim, you're absolutely getting the synthesized Prodigy-voice out of this call. What do you expect when David's also currently fighting a giant mecha scorpion, hoping to get close enough to touch and disable it through conversation.]

Wiccan and the laws of reality don't always see eye to eye.

[Then a pause.]

No. Please tell me I heard that wrong. He did not imply he's from during the issues with Mother. That's not happening.

[mostdangerousbird]

[ Really, it’s prudent to be using a generated voice. Tim is just pitching his low and avoiding the others. ]

Metahumans and “reality” often don’t.

He didn’t mention your mother. You need to find him before they interview him, though; he’s too candid. I even know what restaurant he was at before he got here. Happy Noodle ring any bells?

[helpdesk_hero]

[Good thing you don't know he's a god, right?]

Not my mother. They've never met. Mother. Capital M. Interdimensional parasite that wants to eat him for his powers.

Have I told you lately how much I hate how time likes to fuck with me?

[mostdangerousbird]

[ Tim can read behind the lines. ]

And she’s powerful enough to do it. Can hop dimensions. Shit. I liked it better when tonight was robots and plants.

[ The mic picks up an explosion and the sound of debris crashing. ]

Not in the past five minutes. I’ll try to find him again. I’ll make up some excuse if I get there before you do.

[helpdesk_hero]

Honestly, if it comes to it, Mother's a massive problem for reasons you can't understand. But as I have noted before when Wiccan was last here, if he and Loki can't get out, and if America Chavez can't get in to get to Wiccan, then I doubt she can wander here freely either.

But in the case that she can, we'll prepare a briefing packet for everyone 21 and under. Trust me, it matters. I'm already preparing to compile it if I can just-

[There is a loud crunching sound because, well, he's brought a mech down. They can both be having really great fun here.]

I'll see if I can find him first. Hopefully he doesn't see me and decide to give me a temporal time out. I don't think he quite knows enough as of Happy Noodle for him to be after my head though.

[mostdangerousbird]

[ If fighting Bionicles isn’t fun on some level, they’re in the wrong line of work. ]

For reasons I can’t understand, because you haven’t said. I’ll wait for the report. Don’t waste time binding it.

Why is everything complicated with your team? Why is he giving you a temporal time out and coming for your head?

[ And who is Tim supposed to be concerned about in this situation? Loyalties to people no longer here mean he cares more about their friends than the average citizen. He owes it to Bart and Loki to make sure David and Wiccan are okay. ]

[helpdesk_hero]

[It's more the 'bionicles that turn things into bionicles' that annoys him. Also, he'd been TRYING to get his life together. But this was sort of an evasion tactic of his.]

More like because I don't actually know how old you are and if you're over a certain age no amount of briefing will stick.

Listen, I don't know. I'd say that mutants are better, but we're not. For them I think it has to do with the fact that they're all legacies, and you know the drama that comes with superheroing being a family business.

[God he's just giving the most put upon deep sigh here.]

Teenaged romance drama? It's not even relevant now. He ends up married to the guy. And what I did to him was way less bad than what Loki did, and you saw how he was with Loki. It's fine. I'm just hoping we're in the point before the year where I'm in the dog house.

[mostdangerousbird]

I don’t know how old I am anymore. Is that going to be a problem?

[ He was 18, turned 19 and then 20 here.

And then he was 18, nearly 19 at home.

Before ending up right where he was when he was 20. Feeling no different than 20 or 18. ]

I’m not judging you, god. I don’t know what happened and don’t care as long as everyone’s okay and nobody’s sending anyone to the Phantom Zone. My house is all windows.

[ A grunt of pain and Tim’s voice gets a wheezy undercurrent. ]

Also: robots.

[helpdesk_hero]

Maybe not. We'll see if you remember the briefing after I send it later.

[Of course David has to laugh. It's a lot more than just the phantom zone.]

I'm pretty sure Wiccan could just remove me from having ever existed. So yeah, let's hope it's good timing.

And yes, robots.

[He jumps off of the one he's on.]

Thanks for letting me know he's here. I'm going to have to figure out how to cope with that. He was so dramatic when he was that young.

[mostdangerousbird]

Talking to you is so encouraging. We should do this more often.

[ It’s not as much sarcasm as you think. ]

He remove people from existence a lot? Really, I’m more worried about getting sucked into your drama because I gave him my number. The other one seemed okay. Friend of a friend is my friend. He kept an eye on me and Red when we shrank.

[helpdesk_hero]

What can I say, I love helping.

[Yes, he's enjoying the slight sarcasm.]

Not to my knowledge, but would anyone be aware of such a thing? Even himself? But no, you won't be in the drama. It's actually even less drama than some times could be, because this is before we found and saved his brother and all the 'kinda maybe sorta' stuff between me and him. So we're doing okay.

Wiccan is a very good person.

[mostdangerousbird]

A hero who loves helping? Who would have guessed? You’re just in it for the toothpaste endorsement money.

Sometimes people remember when reality writes their friends out of existence. Sometimes they don’t. Both options suck, so please make sure he doesn’t send anyone to the cornfield.

You were kinda sorta maybe with his brother and teenage romance drama with his husband? We have extra safe houses, you know. Not saying he’s dangerous, but uh. You have drama incoming.

[helpdesk_hero]

I got out of product endorsement after leaving the last world that kidnapped me, thanks. Didn't need another stint as dude who is famous because of a tv appearance, thanks.

[To the cornfield? David snickers. He figures it's probably not a field of dreams joke, but man he wishes it was.]

Speed and I never really had a term for it beyond 'friends with benefits', and in my defense with his boyfriend, I really thought I was going to be eaten by said interdimensional parasite and just wanted to know what it was like to kiss a boy. It was stupidly long ago for me, and barely any time for him, but I don't need a safe house.

But I definitely have potential drama incoming.

[Then another groan.]

Fuck, I have to figure out where to come down on 'glimpses of the future' shit again.

[mostdangerousbird]

I meant it as a joke. Sorry, I didn’t know.

[ Twilight Zone reference, actually. Tim is a nerd of the highest order.

He’s not going to dig at the brother sitch, because that sounds Complicated and immaterial. ]

But you both lived. You’re here; he’s married. All’s well that ends well, and maybe you’ll find something that helps Wiccan understand that life-or-death situations can lead to unintentional kissing. Or that wanting to kiss a boy makes you upend your life.

[ At least David didn’t break anyone out of prison in either situation. ]

This is why I hate time travel. What, exactly, is “glimpses of the future” shit? And don’t say it doesn’t concern me. Messing with the timeline concerns everyone.

[ OOC: Sorry can I ask we avoid overt cannibalism reference. ]

[helpdesk_hero]

I don't tend to talk about it. It's embarrassing. And yes, we're both certainly alive at the moment back home.

[There are really weird wordings that David gets into, but it's accurate actually.]

God I could get into the upending life thing. It's a whole other thing, so awkward. But I'll spare us both the embarrassment.

[Good news, Billy has broken someone out of prison over wanting to kiss a boy. You can share that in common, Tim!]

Oh I know it. But sometimes letting someone have comfort is a kindness. Especially in places like this.

[mostdangerousbird]

Yeah, it’s not the best time for a group session on coming out, dating, or boys. Never works for me.

[ An ankward landmine at its best. The subject should be left alone when they’re both on an active scene and don’t have eyes on each other.

Yeah, that’s a good excuse. ]

I don’t want comfort; I want forewarning.

[helpdesk_hero]

Well, if there's ever need for one of those sessions, you know I'm available. And yes, there will be forewarning if things seem likely to reach a boiling point. I don't have a ton of back up these days.

[And that's just something he has to deal with.]

Anyway, I gotta check in with my other half about this. We'll see what his thoughts are.