helpdesk_hero | Metaheroes Inbox

[At least the kitchen is in more controlled and David like tones. Though he does miss their house. Desperately. So he guides Josh, sipping his coffee, and is about to point out how much he appreciates seeing the guy in his true gold when he is frozen on the spot.]

What?

[ yeah, that's about what he figured. ]

Don't "what" me, dude. [ gently, but firmly. ] Your reaction tells me pretty much everything. What's going on?

[He supposes it will be useless to truly deny anything. Fuck. He had been trying to protect Josh from his stupid drama when Josh was actually trying to do something good. Something more important than dealing with David's special brand of BS.]

Tommy's here.

I saw.

[ and unfortunately, thanks to loki, knows exactly how david opted to handle that. ]

I heard you didn't really handle it well.

Fucking Ikol.

[He knows where Josh heard that from and he is not amused.]

I handled it the best I could when I am with someone and I promised his brother, the god not to lead him on. I am doing the best I can with a bad situation, and almost ended up in a worse state than after Damian because of it.

Don't get pissy at him. I asked so I'd know if you tried to give me the brush-off.

[ he spins his coffee on the table. ]

Give me the full story. Start to finish.

[Josh doesn't ask for anything small, does he?]

There's so much that's happened, Josh, more than you can imagine. I didn't... I didn't want my love life imploding, again to hurt you and mess up your life.

[ a beat. ]

David. You're my best friend, and I like, I say this with all the love I've got - but when your love life blows up, it's because you're making choices for the people around you because you want to protect them. And you're the only one that gets hurt when that happens.

[If only that were true.]

Yes, because it's not remotely possible that the reason my love life blew up is because Tommy's here and I can't date two people at once, not without cheating and hurting them both and myself.

[ he thinks back to the farm that kavinsky has come from. Of Scott, Jean and Logan finally cutting the bullshit and letting love be love.

And, grudgingly despite himself, he thinks of the dreamer and how much he'd cared, and how he hadn't let himself admit to any of it until it got his friends murdered.

He sinks into the chair, ruffling his fingers through his hair. ]

Did you talk to them, David? About this?

[If only it was as simple as he wanted it to be. But love wasn't simple, and the way his heart felt for Balthier... Could he honestly say he was a worthy person if he threw away a person who loved him and invested so much in him when Tommy hadn't even called him a 'boyfriend' yet?]

I told Tommy when he arrived, about me and Balthier. I had given Billy my word not to string him along. Balthier and I hadn't... We hadn't gotten that far in telling each other our lives. I made a mistake there. A huge one. For which I've been apologizing and making it up to him the best I can. But...

[but he still fears, even after all they'd shared, even after basically giving the guy the whole of his life story including Damian and Kavinsky and even old feelings for Josh and Laurie, that Balthier might one day walk away.]

But it's not easy. You get that. I'm not the same person here that I am there, Josh. David as Tommy knows him is like another person, someone who hasn't been through all we've been through and hasn't grown without him. Most of the things that form me as I am now were things that happened before he ever kissed me back home. I can't throw away who I am now, even if I love him. And I can't even tell him everything because Tommy? He's bad when something is possibly painful or stressful. We've spoken for maybe a grand total of thirty minutes since he's arrived. Because you cannot force a Speedster to sit there and listen and talk.

Not what I meant.

[ he scrubs a hand down his face. ]

I get that it's not easy. But, like... [ he drums his fingers on the table, chewing his lip. ] I... Okay. Do you want softball or hardball?

I want you to be honest with me, Josh. There aren't many people who will be. You're special like that. You've known me at my best, and at my worst.

Okay, so...

[ he drums his hands on the desk, stalling for time. ]

I asked you if you talked to them about this and you gave me a whole lotta "no" and reasons for the no. Like... if you've got feelings for both of them, then it's worth having a conversation with them about whether that can work. It's not like you don't have alternate universe proof that polyamory works.

If not, then okay, you made your choice.

[Yeah, that's... what he feared Josh meant.]

While I can't speak to Tommy, Balthier is definitely monogamous, Josh. We, at least, have talked enough for me to understand that asking something like that of him would shatter him worse than... Than I was hurt when Noriko left me.

[ ... ]

Look... Nori fucked up. But Nori's last straw was when lied to her about what happened with Belasco to protect her. She also did it because she thought she was protecting you... so...

[ he shakes his head. ]

You don't need to ask him anything. What you do need to do is be honest. Otherwise he'll just feel insecure forever, y'know?

[Yes, Josh isn't wrong on that one front, and David doesn't even try and protest it.]

I am being honest. I'm honest that I love him. That I want to be with him. That doesn't change how... How much it hurts to see Tommy here. A potential love that I've hurt so much. I was going to hurt someone, but I didn't know how to have it be the one that is right for my heart as it is rather than the one that is... is who I'd want above all others if I wasn't me as I am now.

[He's changed. Is that so wrong?]

I'm still scared he'll leave me in the end. Balthier. That he'll hold this against me, or he'll disappear like happens in these worlds. That fear lingers. I'm trying... I'm trying to take the lessons you and Laurie tried to teach me after Damian to heart. To not refuse to live my life.

That doesn't mean I don't want my friend back. Tommy meant so much to me as a friend. And now I feel like I don't have a right to him or that team.

If he breaks up with you because you tried to have an honest conversation with him about all this, he's not right for you dude.

[ ... ]

But I... [ a breath. ] Okay. Okay. You wanted full honesty, so, like... here it is.

[ he stalls a little. then finally looks up. ]

David... I know I'm the last person who should say this, given like, I spent the last four months freaking out about losing Laurie... but I'm getting a little worried about about you. Its not just that you're afraid of losing them. It's... It's a little like your worth starts hinging on it. Even hearing you talk about it now... it kinda scares me how much you've put on this and how apparently you're spinning out enough that people are coming to me to talk to you.

[While he is spinning out a little, it isn't so bad as Josh thinks. Or, at least, it isn't for the reasons he thinks.]

Who came to you? Because while I am tense over the idea of losing Balthier, I doubt it's as bad as it seems to be. I mean, life has been hard lately, yeah, but part of that is Tommy and most of it was the whole mess that happened in Excelsior and the reaction people have to Metas because of it, and Belasco of course.

[ he sucks on his teeth. ]

Balthier was the one who said I should talk to you. He yelled at me for being a shitty friend to you after I healed his leg. Which, fair, I had no idea any of this was going on.

But this isn't a new thing, dude.

[Well, he wasn't expecting that. In fact, he looked rather shocked at that.]

I... I'm sorry about that. And yeah, you didn't know. Because I didn't-

[No. No more excuses. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head.]

You're right. And I'm going to try and be better. I owe that to myself as much as to you and the people I love. Fuck. I just don't want to burden the people I love. Which, when I say it out loud, sounds fucking stupid. And Balthier's told me off for it too.

It does, yeah.

[ he says it all the time so he knows it himself. he picks up the coffee cup again, offering a half-smile. ]

You know what the hardest thing about my powers is?

I know what the hardest thing about your powers would be if I was in your position. But I don’t know what it is for you.

[For David it would be the knowing he was immortal and he would lose everyone he loved.]

It's consent. And probably my own ego.

[ josh offers a golden hand out to him. ]

I sense everything about a person's body. All the time. The more my power grows, the more aware I am of how much pain is in the people around me.

I know when someone's dying way before they do. With my power, there's nothing I couldn't do to save them. I could stand in the middle of Excelsior and heal every single person in its limits. I could regrow limbs. Give sight to the blind. Give sound to the deaf. Some people would call it a miracle.

But others would be upset, because good intentions or not, I'da made a critical, life altering choice without asking. Totally robbed them of the opportunity to to weigh in because I thought I knew best.

[ his lips quirk. ]

So like, do me a favor? When you talk to people, stop talking at them? Stop explaining. Let them talk.

[For a long, long moment David is left silent, contemplative. When at last he speaks, it's with a smile.]

You've grown up so much since we first met. I like the man you've grown into, Josh. I like him a lot. More than that, I respect how wise he's gotten. Sometimes it feels like I'm the reckless one now.

Metaheroes Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)