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[helpdesk_hero]

This is David Alleyne, I'm not available at the moment.
Please leave your name, contact information, and what this is regarding after the beep.

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[helpdesk_hero]

I'm a technopath always in touch with wifi enabled glasses that runs searches on things that could affect my super hero identity. I've got every Loki account flagged.

Yeah. I'm plugged in. And it wasn't your fault. Loki brought it up.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

Did your brain ever absorb how to navigate when you might need to learn more to avoid being blindsided but don’t want to know more because it makes you feel like crap?

[helpdesk_hero]

No. My brain never gave me that option when I had powers, Tommy. And fuck, if you think a single X-Men ever had that much ability to handle tense emotional situations like an adult, you give them way too much credit.

Hurting you was never something I wanted.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

We could’ve let the kaiju sink the entire island into ocean and then I wouldn’t have to deal with this.

[ Sent way too long after the typing starts. ]

You know being fast doesn’t make clicking send easier.

I know you didn’t want to.

[helpdesk_hero]

I can 'click' send with a thought. It never makes it easier. So I get that.

Is there any way I can maybe still keep you in my life? Not kidding but back home, you, Josh, America, and Trevor are literally the most important people in my life.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

I really don’t know.

It’s a big ask and you’re not the one who’s going to do all heavy lifting.

[helpdesk_hero]

If it's too big I get it. I can just stay away. Anything to stop hurting you.

Also we both know you lift better than I do. Speed goes with strength and all that.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

Don’t. Just because I’m texting you doesn’t mean I want to be flattered or whatever it is you’re trying to do there. I don’t know if I want to be nice to you so don’t bother.

On that note. Did you PLAN that run-in so he could tell you how I was.

[helpdesk_hero]

You're not being flattered. It's a statement of fact. And I deserve whatever I get.

I did not know until you told Loki about it that you had ever met Balthier. Though I've got to stress that he's not nearly so like you that you could call him Stepford Tommy or whatever. He puts me off balance, yes, and calls me on my bullshit, yes, and supports the whole questioning of standards of presentation for men thing. But mostly, he's more like someone else.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

I’m not there yet. I’m not okay enough with any of this to be nice to your boyfriend. The only reason I’m texting you is because Loki -

Your other other boyfriend or whatever the fuck that was -

Made me feel like an idiot all over again. Like I was right back there. Listening to you babble about feelings before you told me you’re dating someone.

I don’t care what he’s like.

[helpdesk_hero]

Loki and I was me owing Loki a date thing because of a favor, it going horridly, TWICE, and then a magical spell forcing a moment of intimacy. Loki and I are not now, nor ever have been, nor ever WILL be romantically involved.

He's sort of an asshole.

And I was talking about feelings because I do have them. But that's not what you want to hear. I get that. I was trying to explain that... that I'm apparently someone who can love multiple people but I get that most people aren't like that. I didn't know how to handle any of it but I could not hurt you by keeping a secret from you.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

He’s a lot of asshole, and he’s weirdly into Billy, so thanks for not making it even worse.

Yeah most people only want to hear someone talk about feelings if they’re the object of them. You should’ve told me you were dating someone else before anything else. Rip off the band-aid. It’s so much easier to deal either people who are direct than people who try to spare my feelings at quarter speed.

[helpdesk_hero]

Dude, he's creepy levels into Billy. He's also tried pretty hard to get into Josh's pants, and that's super weird.

I'm bad at interpersonal stuff. That is something I very much realize.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

I don’t know what to do with that information. They’re both grownups who can deal with it themselves. But.

Then again it turns out I’m worse at relationships than you are, so who knows.

[helpdesk_hero]

Yeah, but. You've seen the bracelet Loki wears, right?

You're not bad at relationships. You just have had shit luck at finding someone worthy of you.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

Seriously I will stop texting you if you don’t stop trying to underline how much we’re not together. I told you I’m not there yet. If I haven caught up in weeks, I’m not catching up in minutes. So stop before you’re outside my window playing Taylor Swift and just tell me about the bracelet.

[helpdesk_hero]

[He doesn't like Taylor Swift.]

Loki has a red chain bracelet. I'm pretty sure Billy made it for him. It feels... intimate? Idk, YA Loki clearly has a thing for him.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

[ He doesn’t have to like “We Are Never Ever Ever Ever Getting Back Together” to broadcast the sentiment. ]

I don’t think there’s a good way to ask about it. I don’t go for messes, and I’d rather not take this out on Billy if he’s not taking a page out of your book. I don’t want to know what’s going on. I like Teddy too much and I don’t have any spare Billys.

[helpdesk_hero]

[Sure, that's definitely something that he'd understand Tommy feeling.]

I don't want to know what's going on either. I've stopped asking them. But you're not wrong that those two have weird vibes.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

Right.

[ There doesn’t seem for much else to say that doesn’t make things more awkward, with so much held back. ]

That about covers it for me. That and I’m going to join the Alliance. Thanks for not insisting on face to face.

[helpdesk_hero]

I don't want to force you to have to be face to face to me if you don't want it.

I think you'll work well with the Alliance, and that will definitely make your life a touch easier. They are good at at least making sure you've got a place to stay and help you find work.

You're free to reach out whenever you want. And if you want, I can tell Balthier that you'd prefer he leave you alone.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

I think we both know I’d’ve run before now.

I think I’ll fucking hate the Alliance, but I’d hate all three options and this is the one that gives me the option of being a hero without risking prison.

Yeah. You can text me if no one else picks up. And I don’t care what you tell him. He’s not the one tripping me up.

[helpdesk_hero]

True enough.

I don't really trust the Alliance either, but I'm trying to protect people and get them home, so it comes with that.

And I guess I come with the advantage that, since texting is a literal thought for me, I can at least hold quick conversations closer to your speed.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

You’re a super genius. You kept up better than just about anyone. That’s part of the problem. I have to replace that.

I hate me for complimenting you.

Dipshit.

[helpdesk_hero]

[He wants to apologize. He needs to apologize. He's scared that Tommy will hate him if he does. Does he even have a right to try?]

I'm sorry.

I'm going to be answering to 'dipshit' for a while, aren't I?