[ The texts are a pleasant surprise. Balthier isn’t used to instantaneous communication, and having the sense that David is thinking about him is a warm light in his busy week. He spends part of it in Excelsior shadowing at the shop he’ll take over and looking at apartments, and much of the rest of it practicing his computer skills and working on a crash course in art history as it pertains to his new job. He’s glad to be busy, because it’s less time to think, and it’s starting to sink in that Fran isn’t here, and that he may never go back. He’s not as upset by the latter as he expected to be, but he’s definitely feeling unmoored and a little alone. As a result, he tries to keep himself in public, people-heavy spaces as much as he can.
He fully understands David is busy, and honestly, it’s probably good for him to get some time to process the last few weeks, but he does start to wonder in a small way if he’s boring now that he’s been claimed, cast aside for being too eager and too willing. So when David’s letter comes, he’s beaming and shaking his head at himself for worrying. He sends a text back confirming their date, because he’d like to get a gift before he sends the next letter.
Two days later, David shows up and they pass another enchanting evening, this time magical for Balthier because of the sameness and the familiarity. It’s just nice to touch and chat and ask how weeks have gone. There’s a domesticity to it that Balthier has never really had before.
Two days after that date, Balthier slips a tall flat package under David’s door. Inside is a letter and two black and white woodblock prints of the moon and star tarot cards, each detailed with gold leaf to make them flicker. ]
Dear One,
You need not apologize for the delay, though I am always thrilled to receive your letters. I find myself quite spoiled here; the frequency of our post at home is limited by physical proximity and my having an ever-changing port and country. And I thank you, too, for your texts. It is good to hear from you, if only to remind me yet again that you are real and you continue to be mine. This is most fortunate, as I think I would continue to be yours even if you relinquished me. I worry less about that with each day that passes. It is as you say — trusting the truth and depth of this more easily the longer it continues.
Your kindness in regards to my situation is received most graciously, but do be clear I don’t wish a change to a world where you are without your friends so I may be with mine. I have been friendless before. In fact, I have been accused of keeping others at arm’s length even when I have them. Perhaps, if our good friend the fates had a plan for me, it was to force me to make new bonds. I cannot complain thus far.
But here I am deflecting, too. It is my way, and I will be honest, because once again, David my darling, you have read between my lines where even I don’t like to look. I don’t like to need people, because they can be taken away, or worse, they can leave. I am a wonderful flirt, but when people start to matter to me, I find myself sometimes leaving before they can leave me. I will be very clear that I am not doing that, not with you. You are too precious both to run from and to hurt in that way. Fran was the same. I tell you this because she was my dearest companion and my oldest friendship. I can be brave when I decide to be. But the fear is there, and so I believe I understand some of what you speak of. Thank you, for sharing it with me.
I am delighted and relieved to hear of my effect on you, though sorry for it’s need. I hope you can continue to see yourself in my gaze, and eventually your own, because you are exquisite. I have met the intelligent, and I have me the kind, but I have rarely met them in the same person. Throw in resilient and clever and brave and we have the hero from a tale of old. You tell me men like me don’t exist in this world. I disagree, because I’ve met one who matches my romantics, even raises the bar.
I like your suggestion that I am not a candle but a star, in part because I am vain, but in part because it means we are both of the skies. The moon and a star, I think, have much in common as much as they are not the same. It also means I will take a good deal longer to burn out, and any extension to my time with you is coveted most preciously. You know, we have an old folktale in Ivalice, about stars who hit the ground and become beautiful and faithful lovers. There is a saying, not to wait for your star but commit to reality, but I think in our case you should absolutely hold out for the star.
I was also pleased to find Tarot exists in both Ivalice and here. Are you familiar? I’ve enclosed two woodblock prints, the Moon and the Star. Have you ever made a woodblock print? I will have to show you if you haven’t, and either way we will have to make our own. They are one of my favorite mediums. But I digress. I think these symbols suit us. The Moon is the mind, the path to understanding, the line between conscious and unconscious, fear and bravery, sleep and wakefulness. It is about fear, but also clarity. It is about things that appear to shift and change but are so deeply true and rooted. It is about mislabeling and misconception, about beauty and necessity. It is about being known. It is you, my beautiful moon. And you may laugh with me, because there is no candle, but the Star is about romance, and hope, and ever looking toward a beautiful future. It is, perhaps more importantly, the step after the Tower, a card of crushing defeat, of destruction and loss. It can only come from having been first through the Tower. It brings a sense of renewed hope and faith, a sense of being blessed by the universe. I am so happy to make you feel wanted and worthy; it is all I want. Know you have made me feel blessed and hopeful. You have transformed me from candle to star. Because what we are doesn’t matter unless we believe it. And you are so precious, David.
Thank you, again, for the wonderful food and company and pop culture lessons. Thank you for your words and for your kisses. If you write me a novel, I shall read it all, and commit it to memory, lest I ever lose the pages.
I look forward to your reply and, as always, seeing you again.
Letter 4: Feb 22, following 2nd movie date
He fully understands David is busy, and honestly, it’s probably good for him to get some time to process the last few weeks, but he does start to wonder in a small way if he’s boring now that he’s been claimed, cast aside for being too eager and too willing. So when David’s letter comes, he’s beaming and shaking his head at himself for worrying. He sends a text back confirming their date, because he’d like to get a gift before he sends the next letter.
Two days later, David shows up and they pass another enchanting evening, this time magical for Balthier because of the sameness and the familiarity. It’s just nice to touch and chat and ask how weeks have gone. There’s a domesticity to it that Balthier has never really had before.
Two days after that date, Balthier slips a tall flat package under David’s door. Inside is a letter and two black and white woodblock prints of the moon and star tarot cards, each detailed with gold leaf to make them flicker. ]
Dear One,
You need not apologize for the delay, though I am always thrilled to receive your letters. I find myself quite spoiled here; the frequency of our post at home is limited by physical proximity and my having an ever-changing port and country. And I thank you, too, for your texts. It is good to hear from you, if only to remind me yet again that you are real and you continue to be mine. This is most fortunate, as I think I would continue to be yours even if you relinquished me. I worry less about that with each day that passes. It is as you say — trusting the truth and depth of this more easily the longer it continues.
Your kindness in regards to my situation is received most graciously, but do be clear I don’t wish a change to a world where you are without your friends so I may be with mine. I have been friendless before. In fact, I have been accused of keeping others at arm’s length even when I have them. Perhaps, if our good friend the fates had a plan for me, it was to force me to make new bonds. I cannot complain thus far.
But here I am deflecting, too. It is my way, and I will be honest, because once again, David my darling, you have read between my lines where even I don’t like to look. I don’t like to need people, because they can be taken away, or worse, they can leave. I am a wonderful flirt, but when people start to matter to me, I find myself sometimes leaving before they can leave me. I will be very clear that I am not doing that, not with you. You are too precious both to run from and to hurt in that way. Fran was the same. I tell you this because she was my dearest companion and my oldest friendship. I can be brave when I decide to be. But the fear is there, and so I believe I understand some of what you speak of. Thank you, for sharing it with me.
I am delighted and relieved to hear of my effect on you, though sorry for it’s need. I hope you can continue to see yourself in my gaze, and eventually your own, because you are exquisite. I have met the intelligent, and I have me the kind, but I have rarely met them in the same person. Throw in resilient and clever and brave and we have the hero from a tale of old. You tell me men like me don’t exist in this world. I disagree, because I’ve met one who matches my romantics, even raises the bar.
I like your suggestion that I am not a candle but a star, in part because I am vain, but in part because it means we are both of the skies. The moon and a star, I think, have much in common as much as they are not the same. It also means I will take a good deal longer to burn out, and any extension to my time with you is coveted most preciously. You know, we have an old folktale in Ivalice, about stars who hit the ground and become beautiful and faithful lovers. There is a saying, not to wait for your star but commit to reality, but I think in our case you should absolutely hold out for the star.
I was also pleased to find Tarot exists in both Ivalice and here. Are you familiar? I’ve enclosed two woodblock prints, the Moon and the Star. Have you ever made a woodblock print? I will have to show you if you haven’t, and either way we will have to make our own. They are one of my favorite mediums. But I digress. I think these symbols suit us. The Moon is the mind, the path to understanding, the line between conscious and unconscious, fear and bravery, sleep and wakefulness. It is about fear, but also clarity. It is about things that appear to shift and change but are so deeply true and rooted. It is about mislabeling and misconception, about beauty and necessity. It is about being known. It is you, my beautiful moon. And you may laugh with me, because there is no candle, but the Star is about romance, and hope, and ever looking toward a beautiful future. It is, perhaps more importantly, the step after the Tower, a card of crushing defeat, of destruction and loss. It can only come from having been first through the Tower. It brings a sense of renewed hope and faith, a sense of being blessed by the universe. I am so happy to make you feel wanted and worthy; it is all I want. Know you have made me feel blessed and hopeful. You have transformed me from candle to star. Because what we are doesn’t matter unless we believe it. And you are so precious, David.
Thank you, again, for the wonderful food and company and pop culture lessons. Thank you for your words and for your kisses. If you write me a novel, I shall read it all, and commit it to memory, lest I ever lose the pages.
I look forward to your reply and, as always, seeing you again.
Your fallen star,
Balthier
P.S. The tea was lovely.