[If only it was as simple as he wanted it to be. But love wasn't simple, and the way his heart felt for Balthier... Could he honestly say he was a worthy person if he threw away a person who loved him and invested so much in him when Tommy hadn't even called him a 'boyfriend' yet?]
I told Tommy when he arrived, about me and Balthier. I had given Billy my word not to string him along. Balthier and I hadn't... We hadn't gotten that far in telling each other our lives. I made a mistake there. A huge one. For which I've been apologizing and making it up to him the best I can. But...
[but he still fears, even after all they'd shared, even after basically giving the guy the whole of his life story including Damian and Kavinsky and even old feelings for Josh and Laurie, that Balthier might one day walk away.]
But it's not easy. You get that. I'm not the same person here that I am there, Josh. David as Tommy knows him is like another person, someone who hasn't been through all we've been through and hasn't grown without him. Most of the things that form me as I am now were things that happened before he ever kissed me back home. I can't throw away who I am now, even if I love him. And I can't even tell him everything because Tommy? He's bad when something is possibly painful or stressful. We've spoken for maybe a grand total of thirty minutes since he's arrived. Because you cannot force a Speedster to sit there and listen and talk.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
26/6/22 01:37 (UTC)I told Tommy when he arrived, about me and Balthier. I had given Billy my word not to string him along. Balthier and I hadn't... We hadn't gotten that far in telling each other our lives. I made a mistake there. A huge one. For which I've been apologizing and making it up to him the best I can. But...
[but he still fears, even after all they'd shared, even after basically giving the guy the whole of his life story including Damian and Kavinsky and even old feelings for Josh and Laurie, that Balthier might one day walk away.]
But it's not easy. You get that. I'm not the same person here that I am there, Josh. David as Tommy knows him is like another person, someone who hasn't been through all we've been through and hasn't grown without him. Most of the things that form me as I am now were things that happened before he ever kissed me back home. I can't throw away who I am now, even if I love him. And I can't even tell him everything because Tommy? He's bad when something is possibly painful or stressful. We've spoken for maybe a grand total of thirty minutes since he's arrived. Because you cannot force a Speedster to sit there and listen and talk.